Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
