Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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