apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
