I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
