Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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