I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
