I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
jump out the window naked night went bad
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