Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
