my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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