can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
