Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
