Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
