some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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