Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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