Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
