Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
