i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
