She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Bring me that man meat
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
