well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
