If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
