video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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