He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize