get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
