I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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