Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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