my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
