how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
