She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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