I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
