He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm really busy with my period
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