why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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