Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
