I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont even know how to be here
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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