I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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