Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
