I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
