"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
