the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
