Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize