hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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