Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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