Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
