just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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