Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this beer tastes like vomit already
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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