look no pants
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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