I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
