I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I believe in your delicious
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
