Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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