Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
