No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
