oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
