I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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