So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
