bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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