cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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