White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
