My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
