Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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