If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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