he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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