Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
