I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
