What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize