I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
