Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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