Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
