saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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