Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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