just tell him i said nine months
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
