I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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