He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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