Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
